At the end of each journal I like to do a self portrait or two and write a little wrap up about my life during the period that journal was active. I blurred some of the writing so I could say what I wanted without worrying about “over sharing” personal stuff.
Self Portrait with Froggie Journal B-2, ink & watercolor
I was inspired by Raena’s wonderful self-portraits to try sketching standing in front of a mirror instead of just sitting down and drawing my face. While I didn’t get a real likeness I did get two images that capture how I felt and saw myself that day. And even better, I was willing to take a chance, draw in ink, leaving the “mistakes” and accept that while my sketches weren’t as “good” as I wanted them to be, I was OK with letting them exist as a point on a journey.
Back to Real Me (if a bit squinty), ink and watercolor
Yesterday I was having a hard time with some issues and by the evening was full of negativity. I watched a little TV and tried to think of a way fix my rotten mood. Nothing sounded good until I had the idea to play dress up, take some photos and sketch myself as someone else, someone not in a bad mood.
Even though it was 9:00 at night, I put on a ton of makeup (which I rarely ever wear) including teal eye liner, blue eye shadow, maroon lipstick and as much blush as possible. I tied a turquoise bandana around my messy hair, put a pretty blouse over my ratty t-shirt and set my camera to shoot repeatedly. I posed the way I’d heard Usher on American Idol telling contestants to look through the camera as if they were connecting directly with their audience at home.
I set it to shoot again and pretended like I was on America’s Next Top Model, posing for a fancy photographer. Then I put the images up on the computer screen and sketched one from the screen and one from a mirror. Despite looking pleasant in the photos, my sketches looked as tortured and sad as I was feeling.
Tortured sketch (in mirror), Pretending sweetness (from photo)
Tonight, in a better mood, I did these two, the one on the right drawn with a brush. I still wasn’t satisfied that I’d done the final self portrait to end the book.
Starting to feel better sketches (from photo)
Finally, I put my hair in a ponytail and sketched myself again in a mirror (the sketch at the top of the post) which I like and now officially ends the previous journal.
And here’s one of the photos I used for the sketches.
Pretending to be cheery
Last night I was pretending to be cheery and now tonight I am. Was it the pretending that changed my mood or is it the weekend?
Last page self portrait. Ink & watercolor, drawn from life
In Louise Stanley‘s “Rules for Keeping a Sketchbook,” her rule number two is “Start on the third page to get your courage up.” Number three is “Go back to the first page and do a self-portrait when you’ve got the nerve.” At her exhibit it was great seeing some of her (often comical) self-portraits from journals spanning decades.
For my own journals, I preferred the idea of making the last page a self-portrait instead. That way it still creates a record of the YOU that put all that stuff in the journal, but it’s not there staring back at you every time you open the book. So this is my self-portrait on the last page of the Fabriano Venezia sketchbook.
BART Riders, ink and watercolor
And this is the second to last page. Just a couple of subway riders with a bit of watercolor added later. I’m about a quarter of the way into the new journal I bound myself and am really loving it. My next posts will be from that journal.
And now it’s Friday night and what has felt like a very long, exhausting work week is finally over and I get to transition back to my art life. But that will be tomorrow. Tonight I’m just interested in a good night’s sleep.
Jana Bouc, Artist 