I started feeling really blue this afternoon and was telling Michael I felt like I had nothing to say, no talent, no skill, nothing to offer, why bother, etc. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me since this morning I’d been in a great mood and looking forward to my weekend which starts this evening. Michael mentioned that tonight was a full moon. Yay! It’s not me it’s the moon and the blues will be gone with the morning sunshine!
See below for poem that inspired the heron in the moon.
Drawn using a “quill pen” in Painter (digital drawing/painting program). Since I’m not experienced with the program, it took much longer than if I just drew it with ink on paper. I’m still in the evaluation period, trying to decide if learning Painter will enhance my art life or just mean more time in front of the computer. I’d be interested to hear how or if others have found using digital painting/drawing tools to be an asset or a hindrance.
———-
Excerpt from the Sandokai (a favorite Zen poem)
The white snow falls upon the silver plate,
The snowy heron in the bright moon hides;
Resembles each the other yet these two are not the same;
Combining them we can distinguish one from the other.
Within all light is darkness
But explained it cannot be by darkness, that one-sided is alone.
In darkness there is light
But, here again, by light, one-sided it is not explained.
Light goes with darkness
As the sequence does of steps in walking;
All things herein have inherent, great potentiality,
Both function, rest, reside within.
With the ideal comes the actual,
Like a box all with its lid;
With the ideal comes the actual,
Like two arrows in mid-air that meet.
If, from your experience of the senses,
basic Truth you do not know,
How can you ever find the path that certain is,
no matter how far distant you may walk?
As you walk on, distinctions between
near and far are lost.
And, should you lost become,
there will arise obstructing mountains and great rivers.
This I offer to the seeker of great Truth,
Do not waste time.
* * *
Jana Bouc, Artist 
12 replies on “Full Moon Blues”
” I felt like I had nothing to say, no talent, no skill, nothing to offer, why bother…”
First of all, I think it is that kind of a week-moon or no moon. Almost everyone I know is in a funk. HMM, maybe it is the moon.
And secondly-I have to tell you that I have just recently discovered your blog (I’m working on sketching everyday and trying to find more art in my life, so have started looking at online sketching blogs) and your blog is the one I check EVERY day, just waiting to see what you’ll have put up.
Thanks for your work.
Ari-Asha
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Jana — I get this blue feeling too sometimes — so glad it will be passed by the time this reaches you … BIG HUGS from across the country ….
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So sorry you’ve been having the blues. I knew the full moon did many things, but not this. Whatever the cause, hope it is all behind you now. Your work is, of course, wonderful!
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Jana, this is so funny,well, not your art or the blues, but I saw the full moon nite before and drew the man in the moon and wrote a haiku about it!!
Your blues? And this too shall pass.
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Jana,
Everyone has doubts but you will work through them and emerge all the stronger. Your work is very fine, you know, and getting better every day. Remember non attachment to outcome and just keep doing for the doing alone. The attachment is the source of the pain. Release the attachment to results and just watch what happens …
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Did you feel better this morning? I missed the full moon — darn — and hear it was spectacular. I go throught the same self doubts — regularly. I put it down to a chocolate shortage and then stock up! 🙂
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Thanks everyone. I’m definitely feeling better. On top of the moon I was ridiculously sleep-deprived. Karen hit the nail on the head–I had slipped into worrying about the product and forgetting that the whole entire reason I do art is because it’s fun, it’s play, it’s learning, it’s exploring and investigating…not because the end product has to be perfect!!!! So I’m back on track having fun!
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Jana, Thank you for sharing this. These types of days are the worst and most of the time they come with little or no warning…paralyzing you right on spot. I’m having a hard time when it comes to dealing with these days and meeting deadlines. How do others do it? Congratulations on breaking through it.
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Oh, by the way, with the Painter program are you using a mouse or a pen and tablet? I’m thinking about getting into this myself, but am really slow when it comes to new technology and programs.
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I get these days too sometimes – sleep and chocolate and remembering ‘good enough’ is more than enough is the way through for me.
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I too say thank your for sharing this. I feel like this so often – I hope your feelings have passed now. I was watching a mega popular singer last night (Robbie Williams), his show went live to 24 countries and he said at the end that he was terrified (he has very low self esteem too despite his enormous talent and image). It just makes me wonder if the negative feelings we have really have any bearing on reality??
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I say the “I have no talent…” mantra once in a while too. We all do. Yep. Do it for yourself and you’ll be okay.
As for Painter, as you know, I use it, uhm, well, all the time! Great program with LOTS of things to try out. Just keep playing with it. Takes time to get used to working on a tablet but it’ll come. I do have one comment for now. If you’re attracted to the watercolor brushes, you may find them frustrating (I did) and hard to learn/use though they simulate watercolor very well. I would reserve them until after one is more comfortable with the tablet and program. Enjoy! : )
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